What Are Personal Boundaries? Why Are They Important in Narcissistic Relationships?

Understanding what a boundary is can be confusing, and is often very frustrating.

I would bet if you go down a block and ask someone what the definition of a boundary is they could tell you. But if you ask for an example of one, they would hard pressed to give a clear cut answer.

This would be especially true if you asked them to give an example of one of their own personal boundaries.

Boundaries Keep Us Safe in Abusive Relationships

Boundaries can be summed up in one short sentence.

Boundaries tell us when to say No.

It really is that simple. A boundary is what will guide you in decision making.

It lets you know when you need to stand firm and/or stay away from a person, place, situation or action.

They are meant to be for ourselves. Boundaries are for personal use, not rules for someone else to follow.

This concept can be a bit tricky to follow so let me give an example of the difference:

Boundary: If a partner hits me, I will leave.

Rule: If you hit me, I will leave you.

Do you see how the difference is subtle? But it is there. One is for someone else to follow and one is for yourself to follow.

A boundary is always for yourself.

Where Do We Need To Use Boundaries?

They are an important part of any healthy (or unhealthy) relationship.

Boundaries are needed all the time:

1. Friendships

2. Romantic relationships

3. Family

4. Work

5. School

6. In public

7. On social media

Any situation where you are interacting with another person.

How Do You Make a Boundary?

Making a boundary is actually pretty simple.

It has 2 parts to it. First is- what you will not accept. Second is- what you will do about it.

The hardest parts of boundaries are 1. figuring out what your boundary is to begin with. 2. keeping at it once it’s been set.

There are a few questions you can ask yourself to figure out what/where your boundary is:

1. Is this safe?

2. Can I live this way?

3. Do I feel good about it?

4. Is it in line with my ethics?

5. Do I want to?

6. What is the consequence if I say yes? or no?

7. Is it reasonable?

The answers will tell you what your boundary should be.

And remember, they can change. Maybe today you need to say No, but tomorrow you have it in you to say Yes.

This often happens in the workplace. Today you have a presentation to make and cannot help a coworker with a project, but tomorrow your schedule is free.

Examples Of Boundaries

Here are a few simple but important boundaries most people have.

1. I will not allow someone to touch me when I don’t consent to it.
   I will leave and report it.

2. I do not accept being blamed for another person’s mistake. I will excuse myself and refuse their accusations.

3. I will not accept more work than I can complete in a reasonable amount of time. I will say no when asked to do more than I can accommodate.

4. I will not allow my child to get up and to sleep in my room before 5 AM during the school week. If they do I will make them go back to bed in their own room.

As long as you feel you can live with the boundary and need it to maintain your mental peace then it’s ok if you don’t feel completely comfortable with it in the beginning. It takes time to get ok with holding a sold boundary.