How To Make A Comfort Box With Your Kids To Help Soothe Anxiety And Teach Self Care Skills
Kids are never too young to learn a new skill. Even newborns are learning to feed and see colors and that they have hands and toes and can make noises. Many times a simple task can grow a new healthy habit and teach a valuable skill that kids will use throughout their lives.
Comfort and self care is important. Photo by Nature Zen on Unsplash
In one of my coaching courses last Spring, a fellow coach was talking about a fun new idea she had done with her daughter. It was brilliant and I want to share this idea with you. I wish I had gotten her name and contact info so I could give her the credit she deserves for this idea.
I tried it out with my own kids and it has been one of the best things we have done yet. It doesn’t matter if your child is 30 or 3, this is a fun little activity with a big impact. I even made one for myself.
I don’t know how other people refer to it, but I call it a Comfort Box.
First I’ll talk a bit about it, then I’ll give some ideas on how you can make one for your kids.
You can make one for yourself as well. Adults need comfort too.
What Exactly Is a Comfort Box?
It is a container that holds various objects and activities that will help soothe anxiety and promote self care.
So stinkin simple!
This box can be as big or small as you want it to be. Can be kept in any place you like and is unlimited in its potential. I now keep a small to-go one in the trunk of my car, just in case, like an emergency packet. It has instant ice packs, chewing gum, hard candy, markers and paper, chips and cash so I can buy myself a treat.
Why Does It Work?
The idea may be simple, but the way it works isn’t.
Self regulation is a skill that kids need to be taught. Some are naturally better at it than others. This can be based on genetics, inborn temperament, home life, sibling order, health, parenting styles, diet, etc… But even if it doesn’t come easy, it still needs to happen.
A child who can’t self soothe is prone to temper tantrums, acting out, developing disorders, addiction, health issues, anxiety, anger, and many other things that don’t serve them well.
When they are very young like 3 or 4, the negative issues are relatively easy to handle. They may get a time out or lose a favorite toy for a few days or have to go to bed early. But as they get older, especially into the teen and young adult years, that changes dramatically. Then they have access to very damaging things. Think drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, running away, and so on.
If they don’t learn to self soothe and regulate their nervous system as they grow, they will later look to short term instant gratification to feel good in the moment.
This is a set-up for failure. Short term techniques must be repeated over and over again because they aren’t built to last. They are a Band-Aid on a wound, not a cure.
Getting ahead of this issue while they are young is essential because even the most well-behaved child will eventually go through puberty and have the mood swings that go along with that. Then they will really need some self-regulation skills to lean on.
A comfort box gives them back the thing that is lost — > Control.
It gives them control over what they are going to do to manage their stress. And if they can get control over that, they have a better chance at getting control over their mindset and whatever situation or emotion is causing them duress.
If they have a pre-planned way to manage the stress before it happens, they have a better chance of managing it in a healthy way.
How To Make A Comfort Box
Next I’ll explain how to use it, but first let’s start with what goes into one.
Any box or bag that is big enough to hold a few items will do. I used an old Amazon box and my son used a shoe box.
I have had clients go out and buy a pretty decorative box as well. One even used a reusable shopping bag from the grocery store. As long as it makes you happy, go for it!
In the box place some items that are easy to do and your child likes. Some ideas are:
notepad
colored pencils/ markers/ pens
pipe cleaners
candy
yarn/string
rocks
puzzle book/activity pad
word search/ sudoku/crossword
coloring book
stuffed animal
empty hot water bottle
instant ice pack
playing cards
card stock
nail polish
baby blanket/wash cloth
music box
paint/ brushes
kazoo
rubber bands
paper clips
Just imagine all the things you can do with those items.
Your kid’s box is going to have items in there that are either special to them, or things you just think they would like.
How To Use The Comfort Box
This is not something we as parents make for the child. We can go with them to gather objects and show them how to do it, but the things that go into it are all of their own choosing. This way they are the ones in charge of the activity. This is the SELF work in self-regulation.
Our job is the guide and teach and make suggestions that they can say Yes or No to. They need to be given the option of saying No to something without repercussions. This is about them and their growth.
This ends up being a good activity for the parent/caregiver as well. It’s hard to let go of some of the control over our children’s lives as they grow. To let them make mistakes.
It may take a few weeks to fill the box up. Items will present themselves over time. Maybe one week at the grocery store they see a snack they would like in there, then the next week they find a smooth rock at the park or a stick in the yard. They open their eyes to the world around them and find things to be grateful for and find pleasure in.
The key to the box is this one instruction with 4 steps. When they are upset or in need of comfort they go to the box and:
Pick one item or activity
Note what feeling they are having and where in their body they feel it
Spend at least 1 solid minute focusing on that activity
When they are done. Go back to the feeling and take note of what it feels like now and if it’s in the same place in their body.
That is it! Just 4 steps.
Over time, they will begin to do these things even without the box. Getting in tune with themselves and how to connect their emotions to their body so they stay grounded in reality and notice what impact the stress is having on them.
Let me know what your kid put into their comfort box and if you did one for yourself, tell me what ideas you had. I am always looking for ways to add to my list.
Good Luck!
