3 Things My 17 Year Old Son Says Teenagers Are Lacking
Breakfast table conversation with a teen is interesting. You never know what it will be about. Yesterday he showed me memes and funny YouTube shorts he liked. This morning we talked about how to fill out a W2, what should go into a monthly budget and why he feels the kids in his generation are at a disadvantage compared to my generation.
I have been ruminating on this last topic for the past 3 hours. He made some solid points. It was obvious these were thoughts and feelings he had been sitting on for some time and was ready to speak them out loud.
He may not be a small child, but he’s a kid nonetheless… and kids say what is true to their hearts. It’s my job as a mom to listen to my kid's thoughts.
What’s Happening With Our Teens?
I discussed this topic the other day with another parent in a waiting room. She was grading homework that looked advanced, so I asked if she was a high school teacher. She is.
As we talked she stated that said she was getting very tired of teaching. That this crop of Seniors was not the same as they had been 5 years prior. My son is a Senior, so I was very interested in her thoughts. We spoke for the next 5–10 minutes on this.
This sentiment is pretty common within the teaching field in today’s world. I have many teacher friends and they sing the same tune. Their reasons may differ, but the overall tone is the same. They are burnt out.
From what I can gather from our talk, the highschoolers nowadays do not seem to be equipped with the life skills they will need to succeed.
Specifically, the skills of :
1. self-regulation
2. anxiety management
3. proactive thinking.
So, when my son brought up a similar theme, it was even more interesting.
His thoughts mirrored her thoughts but had the angle of coming from the teenager. He thought the same 3 things were a big deal with teenagers today.
Are Teens at a Disadvantage Today Compared to Generations Before?
Of course, the answer is yes and no. While there are advances in mental health and opportunities out there that never existed before, there are also a lot of new negatives as well.
I’m going to focus on a few of those negatives for this article.
Too Much Access = Too Many Distractions
I find that clients I coach do not do well with too many options. It is overwhelming and makes it hard to drill down and focus on a desired path. Like looking at a Cheesecake Factory menu… it’s 20 pages long! There are simply too many things to consider. The same goes for access.
With the internet, social media, online schooling and dating apps all being a daily part of their world, they have too many distractions tugging at them at all times. If they wanted to, they could be plugged into their phones/ tablets/ computers/ VR all day and night. It’s a never-ending barrage of information.
Gen Z is the current crop of high school kids. Grown and raised from 1996- 2012. They were born when the internet and social media were ramping up. They are the demographic that went into the data. It seems to be tailored for them more than any other group.
The Covid Pandemic
The Seniors this year were the freshmen who went through closed schools and then online only schooling. The first time they set foot in high school, they were Sophomores already.
The year before, they missed saying goodbye to their friends and teachers from middle school because the schools in the US closed months before the year ended. They went from having a traditional experience with their peers to dealing with being the Guinea pigs for online schooling.
They were struggling with school and socially. Many went through economic hardship as well as their parents lost jobs and were also isolated in the homes with them. It was a rough time during a very formative year of their lives.
Gen X and Millennial Parents
Hear me out.
I’m going to put a reference to this article from PARENTS magazine that discusses the difference between the generations and parenting styles.
Gen X was known for being helicopters and Millennials are known for rebelling against this and raising free-range babies. Who the heck knows which one is better or worse?
The one thing that is becoming more common now is the understanding surrounding generational trauma. This legacy is passed down and compounded with each new batch of kids. So on and so on down each branch of the tree.
It takes a game-changer to stop this from happening.
Right now, the trauma-informed work and mental health literature is ramping up on this topic and it will be fascinating to see where it leads.
We may be passing down things to our teens that we are unaware of. Kids are like radio antennas for their caregivers. If we send out a signal, they receive it. The same thing happened with us from our parents, they from theirs, etc…
The issue with that is, they don’t know what to do with that information. They haven’t learned the skill… yet. So who will teach it to them?
What Is The Solution To It All?
I would have a bafrillion dollars if I had that answer. All I know is one thing I think could be done.
It begins with us.
If we are not good, how do we expect our kids to be good? They take their cues from their surroundings. Caregivers are the main factor in their ecosystem. We can be that game changer they need.
The coaching system I went through has a catchphrase, “Heal yourself to heal future generations.”
This can seem like a daunting task. Like it’s too big to accomplish.
Another way to think of it is like a step on a staircase. Each step is a different trauma. The goal is the top of the staircase, but even if you don’t reach the top, you are closer than you were before. Your kids come with you up that staircase. They get closer right along with you.
You don’t have to heal them all. It doesn’t mean you weren’t effective. You did heal some. You leave it better than you found it.
And as you heal, your kids can see a success story in their parent. They can see the work you put into improving your own life and the strength you showed doing it even when it was hard. They get to feel the benefit of a more healed person in their life.
It’s an inspiring thing to witness.
