This minimizing sentiment is what traps people in this dynamic.

Benefit of the doubt.

It’s a common saying we hear and use often. Sometimes it’s used to provide a second chance. Sometimes it’s used to give grace in a situation.

It is a caring, empathic way to demonstrate goodwill and be a compassionate citizen of this world.

The benefit of the doubt is a kindness that narcissists will gladly take advantage of.

What Happens During Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is considered a complete abuse.

It destroys who you are at the core of your human essence. The foundation of who you are as a person is systematically torn down brick by brick.

You go from being a living breathing person -> to a hollowed out shell who lives only to supply the narcissist with admiration, sex, money, power, enabling, mothering, and a front to hide behind.

What is left when your ego has been stolen? (your ego is your identity)

Part of enabling involves making excuses and forgiving bad behavior. This is where the benefit of the doubt comes into play.

Why Is This Extra Dangerous With A Narcissist?

The benefit of the doubt is exactly as it implies. It is giving a benefit to someone.

Giving a benefit to a person who is trying to take advantage of you is like handing your debit card and pin number to a thief.

It helps their cause.

Their cause is to control you and take advantage of you.

The benefit of the doubt assists them and works against you.

It is not a kindness. It is enabling them and hurting you. It is a self-harming activity.

So Why Do We Do It?

Why wouldn’t we?

Why would we expect someone to take our caring nature and use it to harm us?

It makes more sense to be a loving person and to not want to look at the dark side of other’s intentions.

This becomes an issue when someone:

• Has proven they don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.

• Hasn’t shown they are capable of handling the benefit.

• Does not show gratitude over past benefits given.

To continue to give someone untrustworthy (or unproven) the benefit will continue to have bad results.

But… how do you stop doing it?

That’s a bigger issue and will take a lot of hard work on recognizing manipulative behaviors and being willing to say no.

That needs to be an entire article on its own.

For now, keep in mind who you are dealing with when you are considering giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

If you know they have a history of narcissist behavior, letting you down or lying, you may want to skip on giving the benefit this time around.