Narcissistic Love Is The Monkey’s Paw Of Romance

Have you ever heard of this short story?

In 1902, author W. W. Jacobs penned this horror story warning people about getting what they wished for.

Here’s a brief synopsis of the plot = A mummified monkey’s paw has been spelled with the ability to grant 3 wishes to its owner. You get your wishes but in exchange, you get nightmarish consequences that messing with fate demands in return.

For example: You wish for a million dollars. You get it, but only because everyone in your family dies and you receive the money through their life insurance payouts. Or, you wish to be beautiful, but then someone becomes obsessed with you and begins to stalk and torment you relentlessly for the rest of your life. No more peace and anonymity for you.

(Not a Medium member? Read the full story here.)

How Is This Like The Love Of A Narcissist?

When you are the focus of a narcissist’s attention in the love bombing stage it feels amazing. They practically drown you in all the things. Whatever that thing is, they give it to you. If you need emotional support, you get it. If you need gifts, you get them. If you need sex, you’ll have all of it.

They have an uncanny way of knowing what you need and finding a way to provide it. It feels magical. It’s like a spell. It’s all you ever wished for.

But after the initial smoke from that bomb has cleared. (usually around 3–6 months) You begin to feel the ramifications of your wish. The narcissist isn’t what they purported to be. They aren’t filling those needs the same way they were before.

They aren’t able to maintain the charade. It takes a ton of time, energy, and often money to keep up an act. These get depleted because they aren’t authentic to the narcissist. They need to replenish them somehow.

They begin to use you like a battery to fuel their empty tanks. Instead of being a partner, you morph into a power unit. Your energy and resources are sucked out of you faster than you can refill them.

This is the consequence of wishing for the narcissist to stay. They will stay as long as you agree to keep giving them everything you have and keep none of it for yourself. You get to keep them, but it’s going to cost you.

Not everyone gets a love bomb. Sometimes you get a dark bomb or no bomb at all. A dark bomb is where they are having a crisis and you are the person who swoops in and rescues them. You get to become their savior.

You will still get the same treatment during the relationship even if you didn’t experience the typical love bomb. You get the intermittent reinforcement, the hot/cold cycle, the trauma bonding, and the crazy-making.

The Only Way To Release Yourself Is To Get Rid Of The Cursed Object

You can’t destroy a narcissist (and you shouldn’t try to) but you can rid one from your life by going No-Contact.

In the short story, the original owner of the paw tried to burn it in a fireplace. He wanted to rid the world of its negative powers and stop the cycle of pain and trauma. It didn’t work because the new owner rescued it. He didn’t believe it was as bad as the man had portrayed it to be. He didn’t listen to the warnings.

Doesn’t this sound familiar?

This is what happens repeatedly with the narcissist’s New Supply. They are the bright shiny new plaything they woo to replace you when you stop being a good charging station.

If you try to warn the New Supply, they won’t listen. They won’t believe you. They aren’t experiencing the pain yet. They don’t know they are being hoodwinked the same way you were. They aren’t even questioning whether what you are saying is real or not. They will do that later when they’re sweeping up the ashes of their discard, but for now, they are riding the highs.

Then they will be the ones to tell a story that no one believes. A story of twisted magic and regret.

As the narcissist moves on to its next wishful victim.