How they use hypothetical situations to confess what they are doing behind your back.

Narcissists play a lot of games. They’re all dumb.

They use these games to reach their ultimate goals in life. They want to win and be on top. It doesn’t matter what happens to you as long as they get what they feel they are due.

They often don’t seem like they are smart enough to pull off some of the cons that they do, yet they are pretty successful at it. One of these reasons is because they are data-mining geniuses! They gather information on you in every encounter you have and will utilize it when the moment is right to manipulate and control you.

One of the tactics they use a lot is the “test the waters” game.

This is where the Hypothetical Confession comes into play.

What is a Hypothetical Confession?

The Hypothetical Confession is when a narcissist will ask you a seemingly innocent question or make an an innocuous statement to see how you would answer.

These bids for information are not to get to know you better in the way you are thinking. They are getting to know you better, but it’s for chaos, not connection.

Here are a few ways they do it.

Example 1

You are watching a movie with your wife and one of the characters is cheating. The movie partner finds out and flips their lid. She looks over at you and asks, “What would you do if you were cheated on?”

You respond by asking her why she wants to know and she says that the movie just made her curious.

Example 2

Your boyfriend says over dinner that he had a dream the night before about watching porn. He knows you are against it and wants to get your thoughts on it.

Example 3

Your husband is telling you about a “friend” whose wife opened up secret credit cards in his name. He probes you for your opinion on how you would feel if that happened to you.

Example 4

Your girlfriend comes home from the gym and tells you that her friends are teasing her about a guy who workouts there. She says, “They’re so dumb. They keep calling him my gym boyfriend. Isn’t that stupid?”

Example 5

You’re talking to your mom and she mentions she was thinking it would be nice to give your younger sister your grandmother’s ring. The same ring she knows you love and that your grandmother had promised would be passed down to you.

Don’t they look like innocent questions?

These are all examples of typical everyday scenarios that don’t seem like much at the time. Later, when you find out they are doing the exact thing you were discussing, it makes sense.

A narcissist will use hypothetical situations to gauge your reaction to something they either have done already, or are planning to do.

These hypotheticals are useful in multiple ways.

First, they get your reaction to the event. They know by the way you respond to them, how you feel about the situation. Second, they set you up with an opposing story.

In the 4th example, if she can establish that her friends are saying stupid things, then when you hear about it from a 3rd party, you may automatically think that they are just overhearing dumb gossip. You’ve heard it from her already so it isn’t shocking news. The first thought to register won’t be that your girlfriend is cheating.

Unfortunately, this sort of confession is not easy to spot. It usually becomes clear after the discovery is made and the memories line up.

After it has happened many times you may be able to spot it.

I hope you are long gone by then from the narcissist.