They aren’t that creative. Here are a few of the common phrases husbands use once they’ve been caught cheating.

Cheating in a marriage is a selfish behavior. It is deceptive. It is hurtful. It is also unnecessary.

Why cheat when you can break up and go free into another pairing? (That’s a question for another day…)

The husbands caught cheating I am describing, are the ones that fall along the overtly narcissistic line.

There are many types of cheating and many types of cheaters. But the ones that use these common sayings are all reading from the same manuscript and will use many of these to get their wives off of their backs about it.

I’m going to group the kinds of excuses and phrases so you can see the patterns they fall under. This way, if you hear any version of them by your partner, you can have a general category to place it under.

Distract! Displace! Projection! Intimidation!

When he doesn’t deny it but wants to focus on your flaws. Many times this is done as a way to confuse you and get the heat off of him by pointing out ways you are not perfect either or through coercive control by making the situation even more upsetting. This breeds confusion and brain fog.

Of course, no one is perfect. That isn’t up for debate. That also doesn’t take away the fact that he was just caught cheating and is trying to get the attention off of himself by any means necessary.

• I’m not trustworthy? I can’t believe you went through my phone.

• You can’t be trusted either. What about the time you ____(did whatever)

• How do I know you aren’t cheating on me?

• You better watch what you say to me. I don’t have to take this. I can call a divorce lawyer any second.

• Well, I know about some things you’ve done that you aren’t proud of. How would you like it if I threw that in your face?

• Remember when you lied to me? How do you think that made me feel?

• If you want a divorce just say so. Don’t pick a fight with me and make me look like the bad guy here.

I Couldn’t Help Myself

These are the more benign ones designed to either distract or make it seem like no big deal. I say benign because they aren’t attacking the spouse, unlike with the other categories. Whether or not the husbands mean what they say is the great unknown.

My personal opinion… any man who can say these things probably believes them and is fine with cheating because he feels like he deserves to do it. (notice how none of these are an apology or indicate it will not happen again)

• She was there and I was weak.

• It was a mistake. I didn’t mean to do it.

• It’s not who I am. You have to believe me.

• It just happened

• We have a connection I can’t explain.

• It’s my nature. Men aren’t meant to be monogamous.

• I was so upset about ____ and she made me feel heard.

• You knew I was like this when you married me.

• It didn’t mean anything to me.

I Didn’t Do It = Gaslighting

Some will continue to deny and lie despite being caught. For whatever reason, they think they can convince you that you don’t know the truth, even if you catch them during the act.

• I didn’t technically cheat

• You’re making a big deal about nothing/ overreacting

• You don’t sound right. Are you trying to upset me?

• I can’t believe you would think that of me. When did you become so paranoid?

• You can really twist things as you want to see them, can’t you?

• I don’t have to stand here and listen to these accusations.

You Made Me Do It

This category is clearly abusive in nature. Its entire goal is to make the cheater seem like a victim and the person being cheated on as the reason for it happening. It is pure manipulation.

It is also a very cruel thing to do to someone who is just discovering an affair. That is shocking enough without having to be verbally accused on top of it.

• If you had paid attention to me I wouldn’t have needed to.

• We don’t have enough sex. What did you expect me to do?

• You haven’t made me feel loved in a long time.

• Look at you. Why wouldn’t I cheat?

• If you had done that thing I wanted I wouldn’t have had to find someone who would.

• You don’t compliment me and he/she does.

• Do you care now? Where was all this caring before?

What to do if you have recently discovered your partner is having an affair

An affair can be a devastating thing to uncover. Getting assistance from a professional is a great way to find support and guidance to help you make those next steps.

Some people leave. Some people stay. You’ll need time to let your mind settle before you make a big decision like leaving a marriage.

Whatever your choice, a life coach or therapist can help you through the pain that infidelity causes. Many people develop PTSD from the discovery and aftermath. This isn’t something to be handled alone.

If you need someone to talk to or for a list of professionals who can help you, reach out to me at info@cpresleycoaching.com