What to do when you are raising an orchid instead of a dandelion.

Have you ever heard of an (HSC) Highly Sensitive Child?

How about an (HSP) Highly Sensitive Person?

This is what Psychology Today and Psych Central have for HSP and HSC.

Like with autism, there doesn’t seem to be a set standard for what exactly makes someone highly sensitive. They can manifest their sensitivity in many ways and they may have some traits that are far more pronounced than others.

For example, one highly sensitive child my be emotionally on high alert, but low on the taste and smell quota, while another could be the opposite. They are both highly sensitive, but they show up in different ways.

My youngest son is an HSC. Any of the Youtube videos or articles I read put him as the most typical type. His teachers have always described him as the kind of kid that can calm down even the most poorly behaved student in class. He has been the “emotional buddy” for his last 2 classrooms. I didn’t even know that was a thing until they told me in the parent/teacher conferences.

He is a lot like his father in that way. They seem to have the same base emotional structure. When his father and I were young kids, he was very much the same way. As he grew older in a chaotic environment, that sweetness turned into rage and became the personality disordered individual he is today. I do not want that for my own child.

Parenting a child that demonstrates HSC traits is not the same as parenting a more emotionally average child. Most children will grow in any good soil you plant them in (the dandelions), but an HSC needs extra special care (the orchids).

5 Things You Can Do For Your Highly Sensitive Child

I’ll go into more detail after listing them.

1. Learn what internally motivates them

2. Know which sensitive traits are specific to them

3. Encourage them to work on their weaknesses

4. Keep teachers and therapists in the loop

5. Teach them about boundaries and how to enforce them

Learn What Internally Motivates Them

A child that is highly sensitive will need more guidance on how to work toward their goals because they are more aware of their failures. They think about them more often and worry ahead of time about the possibilities. This can make them more anxious going into situations, and feel shame afterward if things don’t go the way they wanted them to.

They often look to outside means of support and validation before and after actions.

One way to keep this from being a hindrance is by teaching them to understand and then use their internal motivations. A way to do this is by redirecting their speech.

If your child is asking you, “Are you proud of me?”

After answering them, ask the follow up questions, “Are you proud of yourself?” or “How do you feel about your accomplishment?” It would be good to also throw in some thinking responses since they are so used to being in their feelings center. Things like: “What do you think about that?” or “Tell me how you went about it.”

This way you incorporate their whole mind and body into the process and teach them to loop outside of the feelings a bit, for a more well-rounded approach to cognition.

Know Which Sensitive Traits Are Specific To Them

This test can help you determine if your child is an HSC. The questions you answer yes to will give you a clue on the particulars your child exhibits.

The goal of knowing your child’s traits are not to avoid aggravating them at all times. They will need to go out and live in the big world one day and they need to know how to live in it successfully. If you know what bothers them the most, you can instill in them techniques for coping and managing their window of tolerance and self-soothing skills.

This becomes a mindfulness task for them to learn and master.

Encourage Them To Work On Their Weaknesses

The Clifton Strengths Assessment is a useful tool for anyone.

It will give you a list of your top strengths and weaknesses. Then it will show you ways to increase both. I found an old copy of this book at my local Goodwill and used it to help my son find his strengths and weaknesses.

This way, we could not only boost what he is already good at, but also what he struggles in. His struggles were in the Strategic Thinking and Executing categories, and he excelled in Influencing and Relationship Building.

Knowing this gave us a way to make a plan of action. It also gave me a way to see inside his thought processes and natural tendencies so I could be more supportive of him. This way when he would make a choice to go toward his strengths only, I could show him alternate ways of thinking and accomplishing goals that would bolster his confidence in his weaker areas.

Not only does this show him that weaknesses are not something to be scared of, but that he is capable of doing things that don’t come natural to him.

Keep Teachers And Therapists In The Loop

These kids need a community surrounding them that are aware of their needs and are working together to help them thrive.

This way the messaging can be consistent and always forward moving.

If your child does not have a coach or therapist, their teachers or school counselors will be a great addition to their support team. Having a steady supply of positive adult role models will help give them options. If your highly sensitive child feel overwhelmed or nervous, they will not feel alone if they have someone they can turn to in various settings.

This can also help with any difficulties with schoolwork and learning. Test taking anxiety and migraine headaches may plague a child that is easily overstimulated. If the school understands this, then accommodations can be made so they aren’t left to struggle. This may look like a 504 plan or IEP.

Teach Them About Boundaries And How To Enforce Them

One of the common issues a child with high sensitivity faces is knowing the line between themselves and others. Boundary violations can easily happen as well as struggles with setting boundaries to begin with.

They will need help in finding where their comfort level is for everyday situations.

HSCs often read the room. They can pick up body language and verbal cues faster than others and may take on the emotions of the people in their environment.

This makes it difficult to maintain a regulated nervous system. Boundaries will help prevent them being overtaken by the needs of those around them.

Give Yourself A Pat On The Back

Raising a highly sensitive child is hard work.

It’s rewarding work, but it’s still hard at times.

The best any parent can hope for is to be good enough. The fact that you care enough to try is a sign that you are doing good enough, and possibly even great.

Good luck.